Spectacular, Spectacular

Maybe I'm obsessed with the movie Moulin Rouge, maybe I am not.

Hint: I am!

First of all, let's talk about Nicole Kidman AND Ewan McGregor...in the same place...at the same time...singing.  That alone sets a high bar for this movie.  Any film in which these two appear, I will watch, also love.

Speaking of love, the picture of love offered by this movie is out of control.  Sure, there is questionable material, the girl is a can-can dancer after all, but the love offered by this young, Bohemian man sweeps her off her feet.  Insane.  

*Spoiler Alert*

Thirdly, tragedy.  I love a good tragedy.  That may seem weird at first, but here's the deal, things never work out the way you expect them to.  Sometimes, it's good to watch a movie where the people don't end up 'happily ever after' because, quite frankly, nothing in life is ever totally 'happy ever after.'

Now, let me say this, this movie was not at all what I expected.  There are times when you may feel like you are on an acid trip, but that's part of the fun, right?  Right.

On to the sentimental. 

 "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return..."

What an incredible gem.  I like to focus on the last part of it.  We have to learn to be loved, not just to love.  This is probably where I struggle the most.  I am fine with showing others that I love them, but sometimes, it's just hard to allow others to love me because that forces me to really open up, to allow them to sacrifice, and to chance not only being hurt but hurting them, even if just by accident.

Because of this simple fact, I often push people away and just never allow them to get too close.

It's hard because I want to be in control.  Being loved involves letting go and letting someone else control for a minute.  Am I willing to let this happen?  Am I willing to let someone love me?  

What a revolutionary concept.

So, here's a new resolution.  Learn to be loved.

"Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs.  

Well what's wrong with that?  I'd like to know."

    

"We could be heroes, just for one day."

Exposure

Let's skip the charades.  You're seeing right through me anyway.

Can we just speak plain?  We're playing for the same team.
But I'm the one that's acting like I'm so strong.
You're the one that's acting like nothing's wrong. - "Skip the Charades" by Cold War Kids

Lately, I have been irritable, ultra-sensitive, a monster.  

It often hasn't been fair and hasn't been at all properly directed.  I'm working on it.  Trying to pull through it.  

I was the wild card, you were the safe bet.

I've been broken open.

I have been broken open,

Was a perfect gentleman.

Now I'm smashing champagne, tying cans

Feel like celebrating.

It feels so strange to feel good,

And when I was the fire you were wood.

So when I was petrified,

You understood.

I have been broken open.

This was not my master plan.

I was comfortable watching from the stands.

I've been broken open.

All my edges are exposed.

I was once content alone.

Now you brought the one that I call home.

I've been broken open.  - "Broken Open" by Cold War Kids

 The original intent of this blog post was quite different.  Luckily, I was saved by having breakfast with a very dear friend of mine.  Through that chat, I uncovered a lot of deep-rooted issues that I've been successfully hiding since August.  Lesson learned: The truth will come out peacefully if you let it, or the truth will come out kicking and screaming if you don't...either way, it's coming out.

They say the hardest part of any problem is admitting that you actually have a problem.  Here it is, I admit it: I'm struggling.  Sometimes I'm lonely, insecure, upset, and I just need to be uplifted.  Sometimes it happens, and sometimes it doesn't.  

What I learned through this week, however, is that I have been seeking that uplifting from all of the wrong places.  I filled a huge void with things that slowly began to disappear.  When that happened, I expected far too much from someone who is far too small to fill what I needed.

Growth hurts, but it's generally the pain that teaches the lessons.  I know I did the right thing this summer, and though I didn't expect this or see it coming in any way, I'm just now dealing with a lot of the decisions that I made.  Relationships leave holes, scars, voids.  If they didn't, they wouldn't hurt.  As I said before, I did a great job of filling that void when I got home.  I had new relationships, new experiences, new travels, everything was so...new.  That newness eventually wore off, but I couldn't figure out what had changed so much, why I was so upset all the time.  It was because my void had emptied.  

That realization was a breakthrough for me.  Now I know that my void is empty, but I also know that the void has to be filled, and it will be in time.  This time around, I'm going to be more conscious of what fills it.  I want to fill my life with things that are solid, with things that matter, most importantly, with me and with my God.


I hope that if you have an empty void, you'll consider what you're filling it with.  


Thanks for sticking with me.      

All Around the World

So, I found out the other day that I will soon be traveling across the globe to Seoul, South Korea!

I have never been out of the country before and am super stoked that my first time will be in this place.

On March 17, I will begin my journey to Yonsei University where I will study Korean language, history, and culture for one week.  I know it's not the ideal time frame to experience all of Korea, but I'll take what I can get for now.  This will be an incredible experience.  I'm traveling with a company called CIEE that is super legit and offers tons of study abroad opportunities.  I'll be going with about 75 students from all over the U.S..  We will visit the Demilitarized Zone, see various museums and sights in Seoul as well as a traditional Korean village, and take taekwondo classes.  It doesn't seem real at this point, but I'm going!  Hoop yeah!


Along the lines of world travel, summer plans are forming.  As of yet, the State Department has not given a yes or no about the internship, but with it already being February, I don't exactly have high hopes.  In my search of finding other summer plans, I found a program in Amman, Jordan with CGE (another study abroad program).

For two months, I will studying Arabic and taking in much of the Middle East.  Program plans include seeing the Dead Sea, Petra, the Red Sea, etc.  So, so legit.  Arabic is a super difficult language and one that is much needed by the American government right now.  With this in mind, I'll study abroad this summer and try again with State next year.  In the meantime, I'm stoked about this opportunity.  It's still in the planning stages, but things are moving in the direction of Jordan.


Clearly, I'm wanting to travel the world right now.  What better time is there than when I'm in college, right?  Additionally, if I intend to make a career out of serving in other nations, I better experience it early and make sure that I actually enjoy it.  Wouldn't want to be thrust into the jungles of some African nation only to discover that I don't like being away from the comfort of the Red, White, and Blue.


And just so she doesn't feel left out.  

Final tidbits and stories to come:

• Thinking about changing my major...again.
• Saw the Civil Wars Barton Hollow Tour opening show.  There aren't words to describe it, but I will attempt to come up with something.
• A look at the changes that are happening, the growth I'm going through, and how tough growth can be.

  

Our Very Own Sputnik Moment

A couple of thoughts on the State of the Union...

"What's more, we are the first nation to be founded for the sake of an idea -– the idea that each of us deserves the chance to shape our own destiny. That's why centuries of pioneers and immigrants have risked everything to come here. It's why our students don't just memorize equations, but answer questions like "What do you think of that idea? What would you change about the world? What do you want to be when you grow up?""

The President's words are oh so true as far as the intent of our education system, but it's so easy to see that we are slowly falling far from his interpretation.  How easy is it for us to memorize a couple of facts and slide by, fooling our teachers and each other into thinking that we are 'model students.'  With this, the idea that a person can be whatever he or she wants is quickly becoming a long-lost thought.  This is not because of any sort of discrimination but simply from the lack of effort and motivation that it takes to truly be whatever you want to be.  We want to be a doctor, lawyer, world-changer, but we don't want to put in the work that it takes to get there.  We feel entitled, like it should be handed to us.

"That responsibility begins not in our classrooms, but in our homes and communities. It's family that first instills the love of learning in a child. Only parents can make sure the TV is turned off and homework gets done. We need to teach our kids that it's not just the winner of the Super Bowl who deserves to be celebrated, but the winner of the science fair. We need to teach them that success is not a function of fame or PR, but of hard work and discipline."  

First off, yes learning begins in the home.  It's the responsibility of today's teachers parents to instill education into their children.  Too much pressure has been wrongly placed on the teacher and schools.  A teacher gets your kids for, what, eight hours a day?  How long do you spend with them, parent?  Teach them something.  Secondly, people everywhere struggle with the idea that it's PR that gets you the big bucks, the promotions, the attention.  It doesn't matter how hard you work if you can't market yourself well.  It sucks, but it's reality.  It's going to take people who recognize this fact in order to change it, and I simply don't think there are enough of out there, yet.

"In fact, to every young person listening tonight who's contemplating their career choice: If you want to make a difference in the life of our nation; if you want to make a difference in the life of a child -- become a teacher. Your country needs you."

Teachers are, as the President states in his address, some of the most under-appreciated servants in the nation.  They get paid meager wages to not only teach but also to babysit, counsel, essentially, parent, kids who don't want to be at school in the first place.  It's a tough job, and, yet, somebody's gotta do it.  The President is exactly right in his sentiments, but before everyone begins running out to get a degree in education, there will have to be some serious reform in that career field.  

"We're a nation that says, "I might not have a lot of money, but I have this great idea for a new company." "I might not come from a family of college graduates, but I will be the first to get my degree." "I might not know those people in trouble, but I think I can help them, and I need to try." "I'm not sure how we'll reach that better place beyond the horizon, but I know we'll get there. I know we will.""

This is the type of thinking that needs to be encouraged.  It's this type of thinking that will save our nation.  It's this type of thinking that is the embodiment of America.  Where did we go wrong to lose it?

And finally...

"We do big things."

Let's make the next year a year of big things.  It begins with us.  We can't expect our government to do 'big things' while we sit around and watch.  So, make this a year of big things.  Whatever that may mean for you.

For me, it's going to be a year of chasing after those things that I desire and not watching them pass by, of enjoying the time that I get spend with the people I love, of taking chances and dealing with the consequences.

What will it be for you?