Saturday, November 6, 2010

We're Not in Kansas Anymore

I'm from a small town.

I came to the realization quite some time ago that life wouldn't always be small town, and there is no part of me that wants it to be.

(Sidenote: Excuse my pride. There's a point, I promise.)  As a member of that small town, I generally got what I wanted.  I was always considered for whatever leadership positions I wanted, I was a member of every team, club, and organization that I wanted to be a part of, I wasn't denied much.

As I am now applying for an internship with the United States Department of State, I'm recognizing the impact of this so called, small town complex. Coming to the realization that there are literally millions (billions?) of people who are smarter, more involved, essentially, better out there in the world is a hard concept to grasp when you've always been told that you're the best.

So, I filled out my application.  It took me at least a month, and though I have turned it in, I'm still not happy with it.

Throughout the process of this application, I have consistently been questioning my self worth, evaluating my experiences thus far, exploring how I can improve those for the future, and I have had to be constantly encouraged by my identity in Christ.  This experience was, at times, a crushing blow to my self confidence.  Something that I needed.  I have been putting so much stock into who I am and what I've done that I have forgotten that who I am should be rooted in Christ.

In Psalm 139: 13-14a, David writes, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  He continues in verse 16, "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, everyone one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them."

The Lord has a plan for me.  It began in that small town, and despite my intimidation and apprehension, it is carrying me into a very big world.

I'm not from a small God.