On Running Away

The following blog post was written on August 7, 2011:

A chapter of this blog is in the process of closing.  Although there are some stories yet to come, my time in Jordan has ended.  Undoubtedly, this is a period of my life that I will never forget.  On the flip side, it’s a period of my life of which I didn’t take full advantage, and I’m sad to say that it took until my last day here to realize it. 

Prior to leaving for Amman, I was struggling physically, emotionally, spiritually.  I looked to my time in Jordan as a sort of release, a period where I could flesh these things out away from family, away from friends.  I looked at it as a time where I would uncover a lot of things about myself.  To be cliché, I wanted to use the time to find myself. 

Looking back over the trip, some of this was accomplished and some of it was not.  Did I utilize my trip as a release?  Yes.  But not a release in which I revealed deep-rooted truths.  Instead, I used it as a time in which I could tuck and run from the problems that were facing me.  With the time difference, the lack of internet, the new faces, the new challenges, this was all very easy to do.  In fact, I often forgot that certain problems existed at all.  Goal accomplished?  NO.

Tomorrow, I’ll be returning home, and I’m interested to see how things go.  Will my struggles be awaiting me at the airport with open arms or will they too have taken a sweet vacation?  Guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

I tell you all of this not in order to be dramatic, not to seem like I didn’t enjoy Jordan, but to warn you so that you don’t lose time.  I’m well aware that I’m going to face the same old issues at some point, probably sooner rather than later.  I only wish that I could have dealt with them here and not there. 

It’s time to stop running.  There is no where else to go.  America, I’m coming home.  Ready or not.