On My Southbound Train

I currently sit in the apartment of my good friend in New Orleans, Louisiana.  How did I get here?  Oh, you know, just your everyday train.

Thursday morning at two am, I headed to the Amtrak station in Memphis where, after getting pulled over for the first time in my life .. ouch .. I boarded my very first train.  It was definitely an experience that I won't forget.  People are so interesting, and the depravity of man is so very evident in watching people and hearing their lives.  What a wake up call.

One of the women who sat behind me on the train told a story of her daughter that she lost only a few days after bringing her home from the hospital.  The daughter was born with Cerebral Palsy, but all the woman could say of her child was how thankful she was that she had no complications and that she went peacefully in her sleep.  Would I feel that thankfulness or would I grieve over the loss of my child?

Another man, sitting across from me, had his car stolen while he was on the train.  My heart immediately went out to him.  I thought of how I should help him.  Prayer was an obvious go to, but I felt there was more that I should do.  I began running over how I would talk with him, the words I'd use.  Then, I got out my wallet.  I thought of how I would give him the twenty dollar bill that I had so that he could get a train ticket home.  All of these thoughts, and then my filthy flesh took over.

He began cursing about his situation and making plans to turn in all of these things that 'were in the back of his car' into his insurance company so that he could get money.  All of the great things that I felt the Lord asking me to do immediately dissolved as I thought how undeserving this man was of my grace.  The statement I just wrote is inherent to this problem.  My grace?  What does that even mean?

I make a fool of myself taking for granted all that the Lord has given me, yet he never, ever, withholds His grace from me.  Who was I to withhold what little grace I have from a man who made a mistake just like I do everyday?

On the train to New Orleans, I learned who I am called to love and why.  My God calls me to love what we, as a society, have made unlovable.  How am I any different from this man?  Don't I lie, don't I cheat, don't I steal?  Yet, my God has crazy love for me.

The Lord's heart is that we become more like Him.  Drawing from what I said above, I can't do this by showing 'my grace.'  I did that, and it was nothing.  I have to show others God's grace, the infinite grace of the Father who sustains my worthless heart daily.

As I continue on this journey to where the Lord is leading me, I hope to show more of his grace daily both to those who love and, especially, to those who do not.  I can only hope to meet this man again sometime and to fix what I did wrong, but I know that even if I don't, my God will provide me with opportunities to shine his light again.

I'm learning my lesson.