Throw Down Your Staff

This summer was the most amazing point in my life to date, and if you’ve been around me lately, then you know that I can’t stop talking about it.  Though I cannot truly apologize for that, I know that I had an experience this summer that has changed who I am, and I’d love to tell you about one of those lessons.

Upon coming home, things got shaken up a lot for me.  Throughout the summer, I knew that I wasn’t where the Lord needed me.  Something in my life wasn’t right.  Now it wasn’t a particular sin I was dealing with or a problem; it was a habit, a security.  I distinctly remember one night during worship, hearing the Lord speak to me in an all but audible voice, telling me to let go of it.  I continued to run for the next couple of weeks, trying to feel it out on my own.  Bad choice.  As soon as I got home, I took the leap of faith.

Soon enough, it was time to come back to Union, and though I was happy to see all of my friends again, I didn’t want to be here.  I wanted to go back to camp where life was ‘simple’ and things were ‘easy,’ where I was surrounded by 19 of the most Spirit-filled people I’ve ever met, but the Lord has ended that season, and this is where  I have to be.  So, PCD (post camp depression) set in, and I was bitter, am bitter. 

Classes started, and I was miserable.  I let go of one thing in my life, and it seemed as though nothing was going the way I had planned.  This wasn’t what I had in mind.  I was supposed to feel great, I followed the Lord, did what He asked, but I didn’t feel any better.  I think it was because He wasn’t done shaking things up. 

My quiet times lately have come from the book of Exodus.  I’ve been struggling with this because it’s the OT and I have to work much harder to find the application for my life, but the Lord slapped me in the face with this one.  As I read about Moses his calling from the burning bush, I recognized that I have a lot in common with the old guy.  Moses feared his calling.  He didn’t think he was adequate, knew that he wasn’t a good speaker, knew that he couldn’t lead the Israelites.  I’m not exactly like him, but I certainly do fear my calling.  I fear letting go and letting the Lord lead.     

When Moses was questioning the Lord, the Lord asked Moses to throw down his staff.  Now, Moses’s staff was his security.  It was what kept him going, what he leaned on for sustenance, but the Lord wants us to lean on Him, and Him alone.  This is the lesson I’m learning. 

So, I’m attempting to throw down my staffs, to let go of all things to which I cling when things get out of control.  Will this make me happy?  I’m not sure and there’s no pillar of fire or cloud for me to follow directly, but I’m doing the best I can, and that’s all that He asks.

In conclusion, this blog was started to chronicle this passage.  I think of my path in life as a journey toward the land that God has planned out for me, much like Canaan for Moses, ergo the title.  Yes, this is much like a journal, but my hope is that you can learn from my mistakes, laugh at my mishaps, and share in my joys.   

Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” 

This is me, seeking His purpose, rather than mine.